The X Factor: Men and Women Today

Apologies for the horrible pun. But it's the end of another year, I'm still alone, and feeling damned sorry for myself.

My only comfort is that neither Jennifer Lopez nor Ben Affleck can get it right, either, and they have way more resources and opportunities at their disposal. 

I have reached a point in life where I'm honestly not sure I will ever find the one. I've thought I've found him more than once through the years, only to realize in retrospect that the blind spots in our hearts do not seem to come with an ability to look over our shoulders to avoid a bad crash, the way a car does. 

I don't give a fuck what any modern day bullshit philosophers say--we are wired for connection. Unfortunately, some of us--like me--hit every unlucky ticket in their formative years on that front. I'm not convinced there's a recovery for that, at least past some point in time which I am long beyond.

I'm genuinely thankful for my new crazy dog, because even though training him to behave in polite society is an ongoing marathon (he's a young bulldog), he is so loving and precious. Sometimes I feel like he's the only being on Earth who would really give a shit if I kicked it. 

Here's something you can take to the bank: no one on this planet is so important that the globe will stop turning without them. That's the sadass truth. We lie and tell people they will soar with self-love--what a crock of bs. 

So as 2025 looms, I have less hope and more sorrow about the possibilities in this realm going forward. And dealing with the aftermath of Oct. 7th now, I  see what I have never seen before: that being Jewish in this country is not something the vast majority of Americans understand or give a crap about, so that limits the field even more. And it's not like all Jews connect--we don't. 

I don't know what my future looks like, or how long it will last, either. It seems like every icon of my childhood is dropping dead day after day. Well, it doesn't seem like it--they ARE dropping dead. Cancer mostly.

It's depressing as fuck. And at the same time, I look at people in everyday life who are probably less than a decade ahead of me, and they are the walking dead: on walkers, morbidly obese, picking up 10 prescriptions, and looking like hell. 

Who knows what mix of genetics and lifestyle leads us to where we are in our late sixties. I just know it's getting kind of scary out there.